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CaptainSpectacular

[Poem] The Ocean

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THE OCEAN


The world is not a place


For one to break a mould


It is a place to accept the cold


It is a place where no matter what you think


If it is different, you will sink


Unless of course, you can prove


That it is they who must change, and move


If you can convince the world that you are right


The things you can do are as vast as the night


But the world, it does not work this way


It is a place where if you pray


If you believe what is your own


If you can see beyond the black canvas society has sewn,


You will still lose, because this is how the world works


You will fall beneath the sway


Of the ocean waves, the world has become


A school of fish where you must accept, else you turn to gum


On the bottom of everyone's shoes


This is what it means to lose.

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just wanna say that the "mold" you mean is spelled mould. otherwise you mean the organism that grows in damp places and on rotten food.

Anyways, this is a nice poem. The best poems are almost always written when the author is depressed.

I especially like the "w" and "b" alliteration. Gives the feeling of weeping/whining and the "b-b-but" sensation, which in my opinion really fits with the ambiance of the poem as a whole.

You will still lose, because this is how the world works

 

You will fall beneath the sway

 

Of the ocean waves

this, in particular, is my most favorite line of the entire poem.

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This poem is so optimistic. :|

 

:|

 

:|

 

:|

 

:|

 

 

 

In all seriousness, though, this is pretty darn good. Avoids that "WHAAAH MY MUMMY SED BLOOD ON THE DANCEFLUR WUZ BAD" attitude that emotional poetry can easily fall into. Plus, it flows nicely. Well, the line "the things you can do are as vast as the night" seems a little tortured, but everything else is good. Muchos bien, comrade.

 

[spoiler]Way more than I expected from a Pokemon forum.[/spoiler]

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Well, the line "the things you can do are as vast as the night" seems a little tortured, but everything else is good

Meh, I needed a rhyme... I agree in that its my least favourite line, it over shot what I was going for and sounds soooooo generic.

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Those GoldenEyes do more than look cool, honestly I love this poem. Only problem is that it doesn't rhyme as much as I thought it would.

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