Drunken Stories Thread

[ArmisticeAcropolis]

Because why not?  Post your awesome or hilarious drunken stories here.  Pretty self-explanatory.  Also, I really don't give a shit if the story is made up, as long as it's semi-believable and/or funny of course.  Like I will not believe you drank 24 shots and lived to tell the story, or you got so drunk that you jumped off the Eiffel tower.  Get that shit outta here.

 

 

I'll start

 

 

So Lambda Chi is a pretty medium-sized fraternity, they're not really high up on the totem pole or anything, but they're notorious for one specific party they throw every year, called champagne night.  Like I said, it's not a very big frat but the party is huge, so it's marginally difficult to get into.  I don't really know how I got in as a first year, but I did.  So at midnight (~2 hours after the doors open and people are already pretty hammered) everyone in the house is handed a free full bottle of champagne, hence champagne night.  There are showers and chugging and general drunken slutty sloppiness that usually accompanies any college frat party blah blah blah not interesting.  So the night goes on and it's about 1am, and me and a couple friends start to notice that two girls we came with are starting to get a little.......gone.  One is Erika, she's a friend of mine, and the other was Erika's friend visiting from Elon.  I don't know a lot about NC colleges but apparently Elon is a college somewhere so whatever.  The girl from Elon....I don't remember her name but she looked EXACTLY like Mila Kunis so I called her Mila the whole night and she didn't care.  For the sake of this story her name is Mila.  So we start to notice that Erika and Mila are starting to lose their balance, and Mila's eyes are literally pointing in opposite directions.  So my we decide to get them the hell out of there before they make a scene.  My friends Ross and Rachel [insert Friends joke here] take Mila and try to catch the bus back to the dorm she's staying at (Erika's room).  Rachel has been trying to hook up with a non-interested Ross the entire night, more about that later.  Me and my friend Paul leave a little bit later with Erika, and we decide to walk back instead, not too far.  As we're stumbling down Franklin Street trying to get this girl back, a cop drives by and sees her sloppy ass all over the sidewalk and pulls over.  He gets out and goes "Oh no no no no no no no, get in the car."  So we all get in and he drives us back to Erika's dorm.  As we're getting out and thanking him for the ride, assuring him she's fine, we all kind of simultaneously look over to the grassy area next to the dorm.  Laying on her back on the grass is Mila, with Rachel shaking her and Ross's hand LITERALLY in her mouth trying to shovel out vomit.  The cop gets out and goes "God fucking damn it, oh no no no no no no no."  He calls an ambulance and Mila is taken to the hospital to get her stomach pumped.  As the EMTs were putting her in the ambulance, one muttered "Fucking freshman."  After they leave, Rachel turns to Ross, who's standing there absolutely COVERED in a stranger's vomit, and says "so you still wanna come up to my room or no?"  That's when I lost it.  I was told the next morning this skinny bitch blew a .26 BAC. Like holy fucking shit, she could have died.

 

Moral of the story is Ross is the man and Elon bitches are crazy

 

The end.

[TheOriginal]

None

[Inarin]

I got drunk.

I called friends on Skype.

We laughed a lot and I almost drowned on a beer.

I can't remember the rest.

[controller]

when i was in high school a couple friends and i bailed on school for about a week and partied in omaha.  one night we were partying at this guy roadie's house.  we were all drunk and most of us were under 21.  he lives in a pretty nice neighborhood and someone called the cops on us.  most of the under 21s, except my friend crass who was hiding under a bed in roadie's house, were outside when the cops got there.  there was one cop who waited with us outside while the other went inside to talk to roadie and i guess look for drugs.  roadie managed to take everything out of the freezer and put it somewhere else before he started talking to the cop.

 

the drug hunter gets upset that he can't find anything in the house or at least get anyone to admit to having anything and he comes outside to see if he can bust us on some underages.  there must have been about 10 of us out there and i wasn't the only one who finished a 40.  they have us line up single file and start breathalyzing us.  everyone blew a 0.  after the 3rd or 4th person went through we started high fiving each other as we left the line.  all of us get breathalyzed and all of us blow 0s.  the cops couldn't believe it and they tell us to keep the noise down and that they'll bring a different breathalyzer if they have to come back.  we all started cheering in the middle of the street before they even left.

[londark]

-insert fancy wall of text here-

 

 

tldr: I have a little scar on the ass and a pair of torn trousers that remind me not to run down of a mountain drunk

[DieMirin69]

Sit back kids and let me tell you the story about the time Hugh (possibly) killed a girl.

 

It was my first birthday (19) since I got to Perú and a good friend of mine who is a club promoter here and is also from the States got him, my brother, some friends and I passes into pretty much every club we could want to hit up. My birthday is in February which is summer down here and what the clubs do in summer is close their city locations and open up locations on the beaches about 3-4 hours away from the City (Lima). Basically they rent out a big chunk of beach and its an all-night beach party with stages and music and pools and liquor and yeah. So we leave in the morning and get there early to check out all the clubs and see what DJ is playing which club so we can choose where we will spend the night, when the parties actually start. I get drunk pretty quick considering this was just after I had shed 100 pounds and was also drinking more than I ever had before cause 18yo drinking age. 

 

Eventually we settle on one club and my boy gets us into the VIP, we were only people there and its safe to say we owned the club that night. Collectively we must have spent around 1100 USD which is a metric shit-ton of money down here to be spending on a night out. Before all that though at the start of the night I went down from the VIP to scope out the slampieces on the floor. I was with some basketball players from the states we found at another club so thanks to their tall blackness (no homo) all the girls were jocking our group to begin with. They didnt speak a word of spanish so they pointed out girls and I hooked them up and then I saw her. This pretty young thang mang. Musta just turned 18 if she wasnt still 17. Was with a group of friends I completely ignored, walked right up to her, said "whats yo name is girl", she told me her name, didnt fucking hear it, immediately start making out with her and took her back to the VIP to be my main chick for the night. Every hour or so I would tell her I had to check on my boys or go get a drink and I would just go back down to the dancefloor and mack on some other chick while she was waiting. Musta hooked up with like 6 or 7 chicks that night. 

So its bout 3 in the morning now and the party is dying down. The girl is drunk as shit and im drunk too but not so much to the point i dont know what im doing. The club had rented out a part of the beach that had a hotel on it so it was time to get to clappin dem chimps namsayin. I tell the girl whats up, whats bout to go down and shes like "no". I was pretty drunk and I lost my shit I mean am I really not going to get laid on my BIRTHDAY NIGGA? So im like "THE FUCK YOU MEAN 'NO'?" and shes gettin all defensive like "i dont want to do that I didnt know you wanted that". I went in. I was like "Dumb bitch, you came out today with your little friends and you done put on dem short as shorts and that cleavage revealing shirt and you done hooked up allll night with a guy whos name you still havent bothered to ask, and now you aint tryna let me smash? What did you think was happening? Do you think I like you or something?" etc, pretty much ruining any delusional thoughts she may have had about finding a nice guy at a fucking nightclub. So she gets to cryin tellin me im a bad guy and stuff and im like ok you gone. Tell the bouncers this girl is drunk and bothering us so they kick her out of the club.

Whats the big deal right? Probably just went home? Nah, This was 3-4 hours away from the nearest city, about 2 hours away from the nearest town. The girl was wasted as fuck and stuck beside a desert highway road, neither her nor I had seen her friends since I took her to the VIP area and her phone had died some time before that. So the possibility of her having wandered off into the night or just laid there passed out or gotten kidnapped or some shit bad is definitely real. RIP in pieces dear sweet girl whos name I never remembered. Your memory lives on in the picture that my friend refuses to take down from facebook and my girlfriend is constantly bitching about. 

[spoiler]

Yes I was a skinny phaggot back then

[/spoiler]

 

[TheGloriousWalrus]

My dad once got drunk and they needed 5 grown men, including 3 policemen to keep him from bashing in a door.

[ArmisticeAcropolis]

 

 

 

 

Fucking bravo.  Now that's what this thread was for.

[Emlee]

Ahhhhhhh.... so tempted to share ;___;, I fear sharing these sorts of stories could be too personal though. 

[DieMirin69]

Ahhhhhhh.... so tempted to share ;___;, I fear sharing these sorts of stories could be too personal though. 

Nah, go ahead.

[ArmisticeAcropolis]

Ahhhhhhh.... so tempted to share ;___;, I fear sharing these sorts of stories could be too personal though. 

 

After the diary thread nothing is too personal

 

Now post so I can post more stories 

[Inarin]

;_; I have no good stories. I'm a failure ;_;

[Croix]

I was dumped by my girlfriend and so I got an orangutan. His name is Clyde. All orangutans are named Clyde, this is non-negotiable. I don't know why that is, it's just how the world works. So Clyde and I become man (and ape) about town. We're seen everywhere together, we make the scene. Friends and the two of us go out in big groups. We talk loud and laugh louder. Every time I say something witty, I high-five the orangutan. With the two of us, the town began to buzz. "Did you know the guy with the orangutan?", "You used to date the guy with the orangutan?", "Why would you break up with a guy with an orangutan?" Next thing I know she's calling. "I'm hoping we can still be friends. Wanna hang out sometime?" "Geez I dunno, me and Clyde were going to go to a monster truck race tonight. (Orangutans love monster trucks) In fact the whole social calender seems kinda full. I tell you what, I'll make a little note (what was your name again?) and maybe I can squeeze you in." "Oh, well you know my number so don't be a stra-" "Hey look at the time! I gotta go, Clyde's making cocktails." Next I see her, I bring Clyde. He becomes like one of the family. We're one big Brady Bunch.

[Orangeslash]

Hell yeah, good thread.

 

This story won't sound funny I suppose, but I look back on it laugh all the time now.

 

My best friend and I took my dad's car (with his permission, nothing fancy, and older Infiniti SUV) down to a meet a bunch of friends to go bar hopping. At the time, we were both 20, he was about 2 weeks from turning 21 and we both had fake IDs. Drinks were had, and overall the night was turning out to be enjoyable. We go to this one shady bar because drink specials. One of my friends (girl) left her drink sitting at the bar when she went to the bathroom, a big no-no. None of us were really paying attention and that point, and someone must have slipped a drug in there, because she gets beyond sloppy. This wasn't one of those situations where someone drinks too much and they claimed they were drugged, this girl could drink anyone here under the table, and that was only her second drink at that point. She starts vomming errrwhere and at that point we realize we should probably get her home. So began a fucking hour ordeal. In the process of our bar hopping we had ended up about a mile and a half away from the car she needed to be in. HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO GET A DRUGGED GIRL SOMEWHERE A MILE AWAY? It's physically impossible. We took turns carrying her, holding her, stopping to let her puke, etc. Finally, we arrive to her car. We lay her down in the backseat, and as we're about to close the door she sits up and screams, "I HAVE TO PEE" while simultaneously bolting out of the car at record speed. She takes off sprinting down the parking deck ramp. Now, for some ungodly reason, there is a small ditch at the bottom of the ramp. Car tires could roll over it, but a foot easily fits in it. Massive safety hazard, whatever, this is ghetto Atlanta we're talking about. Anyways, her foot plants firmly in it, and she throttles her face right into a curb. Knocked out two teeth, bloody face, the works. Takes it like an absolute champ though, gets up and slurrs that she is fine and starts the walk back up towards the car. Get her into it, she falls asleep, and the car group takes off, leaving my best friend and I to walk back to our car.

 

THIS IS WHERE THE NIGHT GETS INTERESTING.

 

At this point, we were both extremely sober from a long trek of drugged girl, which consumed nearly two hours of time. It's around 1:30 AM, and we have about an hour drive back to my friend's house to drop him off, and then another 30 minute drive to mine. We get in my dad's car and start driving. Of course, like an asshole, he's asleep within 5 minutes, leaving me alone and tired on a long drive home. About 15 minutes from his house I can barely keep my eyes open anymore, and of course he lives in a winding mountain-y area. I wake him up and tell him "Hey, I still have another 30 minute drive AFTER I drop you off, (I couldn't sleep at his house because I had work the next day or something) so can you at least drive the last 15 minutes to your house so I can take a little nap?" He agrees and we switch places. I'm asleep within 60 seconds.

 

LITERALLY 10 MINUTES LATER I'M AWOKEN BY MY HEAD HITTING THE ROOF OF THE CAR. We're running off the road. I vividly remember saying "WHAT'S HAPPENING?" to which he replied "WE'RE CRASHING." (lol) We finally come to a rest on a side street somehow, and my dad's car is toast from hitting multiple curbs, rocks and a store sign. We get out and assess the damage. He tries to convince me to leave and get the car in the morning BUT I CAN'T LEAVE MY DAD'S TOTALED CAR IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING ROAD. As we're debating this, two cops pass us. Shit. They get out and ask what happened. "Blah blah, he fell asleep, no big deal, we just need a tow for the night." Cops are cool and call a tow truck for us. SO, quick side story. One of my dad's friends brews his own beer. My dad drinks these tall Dutch beers, so he always drank them, cleaned the bottles out, and gave them to his friend to use as bottles for his beer. My dad had planned on delivering a box of the bottles to his friend the next day, so he had around 15 empty beer bottles in the back of the SUV. Sigh.

 

I watch in what seems like slow motion the cop shine his light into the back of the SUV, seeing the beer bottles. "Can you open the trunk?" he asks. Well, we're screwed. I do, and upon seeing the bottles, he immediately separates my friend and I, questioning us about the night. My friend blows a 0.021, which is absolutely nothing, however he's only 20, so he's effed. I watch him get handcuffed behind his back, and put in one of the cop cars. My phone buzzes, and I see it's a text from him saying "lol :(". Apparently, he wriggled his phone out of his pocket and texted me off the reflection of the cop seat, which is hilarious now. Anyways, he got a DUI, I got an Obstruction of Justice charge and a night in jail for lying to the cops (which was later dropped, aw yiss) and we had to buy my dad a new car. Absolutely awful night.

 

tl;dr- didn't get drunk, got arrested, totaled a car, and should be dead.

[ThinkNice]

-lol

and you weren't even drunk

[sfSkump]

sounds like some of you guys need to lay off the pabst

[Plague]

sounds like some of you guys need to lay off the pabst

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snhiofL2Rh4

[Orangeslash]

and you weren't even drunk

That's really the irony of it all.

[Kelarr]

I got one, I'll type it on my computer when I get home, 1st page reserve.

[DieMirin69]

So I'm guessing the majority of OT regulars are boring drinkers or stay inside and watch chinese cartoons all day

[Inarin]

So I'm guessing the majority of OT regulars are boring drinkers or stay inside and watch chinese cartoons all day

 

Stop describing my life, it makes me feels so stereotypical ;_;

Just kiddin' ;)

[Plague]

So I'm guessing the majority of OT regulars are boring drinkers or stay inside and watch chinese cartoons all day

 

My story would actually be the same one I didn't post in the "craziest thing you've ever done" thread, because I don't want what happened view-able in a public place.

 

[spoiler]I could probably PM it though[/spoiler]

[DieMirin69]

My story would actually be the same one I didn't post in the "craziest thing you've ever done" thread, because I don't want what happened view-able in a public place.

 

[spoiler]I could probably PM it though[/spoiler]

k

[Orangeslash]

My story would actually be the same one I didn't post in the "craziest thing you've ever done" thread, because I don't want what happened view-able in a public place.
 
[spoiler]I could probably PM it though[/spoiler]

I'll wait.

[ArmisticeAcropolis]

I'll wait.