Our Diary

[Kelarr]

I got here too late, someone explain what this is to me in an easy sentence.

Just go. It's better for everyone that way.

[Vaeldras]

IF YOU HATE LOVE STORIES AS MUCH AS I DO,JUST AVOID THIS WALL OF TEXT.

 

RIght now i am sad as hell,and i still don't get why.

Almost 4 years ago,while playing world of warcraft,i met this girl,which was the daughter of the guild master,

Even though i was kinda popular in those years and i had several cute girls i could have been with,i never had a girlfriend;i couldn't imagine the mess i was getting myself into.

Of course i kept playing wow just to have the chance to chat with this girl.

In the end we started to chat on msn,staying up for hours at night,just to chat. She disappeared for a week,and right in those 7 days,began the process that made me the paranoid i am right now.

When she came back,she confessed to me (which kinda shocked me),and after several months we decided to meet.

It was the most idiotic thing a shy guy like myself could do,since she lives 400+ km away from me: i made my very first long travel on my own just to meet a girl i've never seen the face of.

The moment she detected me,she hugged me so tight i was suffocating (and dying of embarassment,of course).

I stayed in a B&b for 5-6 days,i gave my first kiss to her,bla bla bla,and she was beautiful,sweet and lovely.

After that,we've been together for 2 years,spending like 8 hours on the cellphone every single day,and meeting when it was possible.

She became a make up artist,i never even finished the high school. All we wanted was to stay together,but she was heavily bounded to her family,which always had the priority.

In the end,after 2 years of suffering,i gave up,i couldn't stand the lack of attention.

After that,i realized how selfish and nihilist i really am.

I left her 2 years ago,and after the starting period of obvious suffering,i just got over with it.

I don't care about her life,i never tried to message her ecc.

The fact is that recently,at night,i always dream about her,not having enough time for me,not paying enough attention to me.

After waking up,i always feel terribly sad,like the day i left her.

I'm probably never getting another girlfriend (laugh at me if you want  :P),since i'm just not fit to enjoy the thing,so,i guess these dreams will still be ruining my days for a while.

This morning they hit me really hard,i haven't been this sad in a long time,and i felt the need to confess to someone,which never happened before.

That's it.

[Volpi]

MY TURN.

I am a 22 year old loner. I had pizza for dinner..My mother just got home from the casino. I tried to talk to her but she just went straight to bed. She is my best friend right now. I used to have a lot of friends, but they were my ex boyfriends friends before they were mine, so when I broke up with him, I suddenly didn't have any friends anymore.

Tonight I will be staying up all night again as usual playing video games by myself. I used to have internet friends, but none of them talk to me anymore. I don't know what happened with my life. It used to be great. I had a job, went to college, and had the perfect boyfriend and tons of friends. It's crazy how many things can change in a year. I have a couple people who I could hang out with, but most of them annoy me. My transgender friend who thinks he is really a girl on the inside but still likes girls is the only one anymore who texts me every day. I always find excuses not to hang out because he/she always tries to cuddle with me when we hang out and talks about shoes.

I hate shoes.

It's 11:00pm on a Friday and I'm by myself. Where the fuck did I go wrong in my life

I once heard a simular story with exception of the last part about that only friend you have. This girl also lost connection with her own friends and adopted all of her BF's friend. She to had a rough time just after her break up with him. It didn't get better for her either until she at last got enough courage to go out again and meet people again rather than just trying to get back with his friends. She is now in a new relationship but more importantly she also have more friend groups in addition to just the New BF's friends. She is doing rather well now so my advice to you would be to not close yourself in. Go out there and make new friends. (you don't have to make a new boyfriend, that will come when the time is right. For now focus on getting out socialize and make friends. Preferably in more than just 1 friendgroup.)

Also even though I think it is great how sincere people like to be here and how open people have been in their response, I think someone should say this. Be careful with just what you choose to share in this thread. So far most and next to all I've read has been harmless but even then, better say this before rather than after someone share something, let's call it too personal

[Misfire33]

I once heard a simular story with exception of the last part about that only friend you have. This girl also lost connection with her own friends and adopted all of her BF's friend. She to had a rough time just after her break up with him. It didn't get better for her either until she at last got enough courage to go out again and meet people again rather than just trying to get back with his friends. She is now in a new relationship but more importantly she also have more friend groups in addition to just the New BF's friends. She is doing rather well now so my advice to you would be to not close yourself in. Go out there and make new friends. (you don't have to make a new boyfriend, that will come when the time is right. For now focus on getting out socialize and make friends. Preferably in more than just 1 friendgroup.)

Also even though I think it is great how sincere people like to be here and how open people have been in their response, I think someone should say this. Be careful with just what you choose to share in this thread. So far most and next to all I've read has been harmless but even then, better say this before rather than after someone share something, let's call it too personal

 

[Gunthug]

this thread is truly amazing

[Telf]

im eating m&ms

 

Im Telf Nuff send

 

still eating M&Ms

[Archinix]

Been meaning to make a post here for a while, I was told it's fairly stress re-leaving, so let's give it a go.

 

I just finished my pizza as I'm typing this, pizza was the type of food that got anything off my mind, but this time nothing can get anything off of my mind, it's all just in rotation of which I'm panicking about or depressed about or what issue I have at this time, I honestly don't know where to go.

 

So I had this relationship with this girl I met at a party around 2-3 years ago, we somehow started dating, although she had family issues literally as far as the eye could see. We worked through them, together no matter what I did my best to be by her side, but 6 months into the relationship she had a fight with her mother, and she made it seem like her mother was the bad guy, when she wasn't I was just blinded by trying to be a good partner to keep them happy, so she then moved in with my parents and I, then things just went downhill from then. We fought literally everyday, if I said something she didn't like she would slap me 3-4 times as hard as she could each and every time. Things continued to get worse, I eventually caught her cheating on me with another guy she had known for 10+ years (as so she said) and after that didn't work she came back to me, and stupidly I took her back. Soon after we got back together, I caught her cheating, again, but this time, it was with my own father. My mother found out, they divorced, my ex-is currently living with my father and as I've found out, it seems to be they are dating. a 48 year old and a 18 year old. What the fuck, eh? Soon after the house sold, my mother introduced me to someone she's been seeing for 4 months and not even letting me know. He now lives here and she keeps calling him "your new father" and that shit pisses me off. I have 1 father, and I will never speak to him again, I missed a semester of school because of him and my ex, I have mental issues/depression because of him, and I have a fucked up knee because of him, literally. I stood up for myself and he burst in anger, he beat my right knee swinging and hitting it 15-20 times, and it kills every single day to walk on it. At this time, all of my real life friends, had left me. My father, my own father, one of the last times I saw him, I saw him in the back deck at 3am, watching the stars, and a shooting star passed by, and the wish he screamed said loud and clear, "I wish I never had a son, I really wish he just vanished, so I could live in peace." I think that's enough of this though, it's pretty much all the main points.

 

I have never been the social/popular type in real life, cause I'm so scared of being judged and I'm scared if I'm judged, it will make me want to change who I am as an individual. Although on this game, it feels weird but I can be talkative and who I am, at once. That and the amount of friends are probably the only reason I still play this game/stick around. I am in a constant panic about where I will move to, how I will get there, what if I fail, and how will I get into a future of the profession I love; Graphics. That's another thing about real life, everyone is judged and talked about behind there depending on their dream profession. It's a big reason of my nervousness and stress of telling people what I like to do. In real life, it's a damn popularity contest, and it is annoying how that is what decides who you can hang out with. It's especially bad because I'm made fun of each and every day, because of who I am as a person. It's especially sad when you need to wake each day and your real life friends, are gone. They're all lying in their caskets. 3 of my friends committed suicide. 1 was murdered (stabbed by a knife after a knife was pulled on me in 9th grade, he stood up for me, and the guy  just repeatedly stabbed him, I watched him die.) and 2 have been killed by cars, 1 of which happened with this last week.

 

A quote that helps me get by each day: Fight for yourself on your legs, or die on your knees.

 

Welp, that's it, this is what I live with each day with. I hate it and I cannot wait to break out of this town. It's torture living with the loss of my friends, being limited on everything, made fun of each and every day. I just wait for the day I escape from this town.

 

I just finished a glass of fruit punch

[TheGloriousWalrus]

-

What in the fuck. Where do you live when all of your best friends die in such a short period of time?

[Archinix]

What in the fuck. Where do you live when all of your best friends die in such a short period of time?

This has been throughout a time span of 5 years, but I live at my first home, usually try to stay behind my computer listening to music

[Volpi]

Been meaning to make a post here for a while, I was told it's fairly stress re-leaving, so let's give it a go.

I just finished my pizza as I'm typing this, pizza was the type of food that got anything off my mind, but this time nothing can get anything off of my mind, it's all just in rotation of which I'm panicking about or depressed about or what issue I have at this time, I honestly don't know where to go.

So I had this relationship with this girl I met at a party around 2-3 years ago, we somehow started dating, although she had family issues literally as far as the eye could see. We worked through them, together no matter what I did my best to be by her side, but 6 months into the relationship she had a fight with her mother, and she made it seem like her mother was the bad guy, when she wasn't I was just blinded by trying to be a good partner to keep them happy, so she then moved in with my parents and I, then things just went downhill from then. We fought literally everyday, if I said something she didn't like she would slap me 3-4 times as hard as she could each and every time. Things continued to get worse, I eventually caught her cheating on me with another guy she had known for 10+ years (as so she said) and after that didn't work she came back to me, and stupidly I took her back. Soon after we got back together, I caught her cheating, again, but this time, it was with my own father. My mother found out, they divorced, my ex-is currently living with my father and as I've found out, it seems to be they are dating. a 48 year old and a 18 year old. What the fuck, eh? Soon after the house sold, my mother introduced me to someone she's been seeing for 4 months and not even letting me know. He now lives here and she keeps calling him "your new father" and that shit pisses me off. I have 1 father, and I will never speak to him again, I missed a semester of school because of him and my ex, I have mental issues/depression because of him, and I have a fucked up knee because of him, literally. I stood up for myself and he burst in anger, he beat my right knee swinging and hitting it 15-20 times, and it kills every single day to walk on it. At this time, all of my real life friends, had left me. My father, my own father, one of the last times I saw him, I saw him in the back deck at 3am, watching the stars, and a shooting star passed by, and the wish he screamed said loud and clear, "I wish I never had a son, I really wish he just vanished, so I could live in peace." I think that's enough of this though, it's pretty much all the main points.

I have never been the social/popular type in real life, cause I'm so scared of being judged and I'm scared if I'm judged, it will make me want to change who I am as an individual. Although on this game, it feels weird but I can be talkative and who I am, at once. That and the amount of friends are probably the only reason I still play this game/stick around. I am in a constant panic about where I will move to, how I will get there, what if I fail, and how will I get into a future of the profession I love; Graphics. That's another thing about real life, everyone is judged and talked about behind there depending on their dream profession. It's a big reason of my nervousness and stress of telling people what I like to do. In real life, it's a damn popularity contest, and it is annoying how that is what decides who you can hang out with. It's especially bad because I'm made fun of each and every day, because of who I am as a person. It's especially sad when you need to wake each day and your real life friends, are gone. They're all lying in their caskets. 3 of my friends committed suicide. 1 was murdered (stabbed by a knife after a knife was pulled on me in 9th grade, he stood up for me, and the guy just repeatedly stabbed him, I watched him die.) and 2 have been killed by cars, 1 of which happened with this last week.

A quote that helps me get by each day: Fight for yourself on your legs, or die on your knees.

Welp, that's it, this is what I live with each day with. I hate it and I cannot wait to break out of this town. It's torture living with the loss of my friends, being limited on everything, made fun of each and every day. I just wait for the day I escape from this town.

I just finished a glass of fruit punch

Honestly I hope this was meant as a joke because this was where I saw this thread heading.

Someone stood up for you and you watched the killer repeatable stabbing this friend of yours to death?

If I were to share my story here, I would be quoting this and... I suppose I said enough as it is....

[ThinkNice]

I feel like saying something, but sometimes there are no words needed to say what you want to say.

[jayfeatskydd]

 

I'd be lying if I said I didn't tear up a bit*.

[Archinix]

Honestly I hope this was meant as a joke because this was where I saw this thread heading.

Someone stood up for you and you watched the killer repeatable stabbing this friend of yours to death?

If I were to share my story here, I would be quoting this and... I suppose I said enough as it is....

This is not a joke all of it happened, 100%. and yes, I had to watch it as there's was nothing I could do other then yell/try to get help.

[Mariah]

Honestly I hope this was meant as a joke because this was where I saw this thread heading.

Someone stood up for you and you watched the killer repeatable stabbing this friend of yours to death?

If I were to share my story here, I would be quoting this and... I suppose I said enough as it is....

 

What did you honestly expect from a thread that is based on being a diary? Tragic stories are bound to be told. I mean I know you say you saw this coming, but I don't think the OP made the thread with the intentions of it being a joke. I actually really enjoy this thread though. I like being able to understand where people of this community come from, and what they been through. You're all such interesting individuals. 

 

I feel like he couldn't do anything about it, because you know, fear. 

 

I'd be lying if I said I didn't cry.

 

I tear'd up a little too.~

[Croix]

I have problems too and I do view this is a nice medium to express them, however I fear what I say may be intrusive to another person's privacy and because of that, I don't want to say anything at all.

[FlareBlitzz]

- 

I couldn't imagine a cheerful person like you having such a hard life. You made me cry.

I'll be your friend, I hated you before, but now I realize some people have worse problems than I have.

Don't worry, just stay calm and believe in yourself. Study hard, work hard, and watch your dad cry hard that he ignored a great guy like you.

[Mariah]

I feel like this song is too fitting for this thread.

 

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cskIPbfOzaA[/youtube]

[TheGloriousWalrus]

I want akshit to post in this thread D:

[jayfeatskydd]

I feel like this song is too fitting for this thread.

 

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cskIPbfOzaA[/youtube]

Perfect

[flavajabari]

wtf archi.

props for being the joyful guy you are when you're dealing with that kinda shit irl.

seeing the person you love cheat on you with your own father? friends dying infront of you? cant even imagine.

 

you said on this game you have an easier time socializing & being who you rlly are, and since 99% of the people here love you, thats gotta mean alot right.

[ThinkNice]

I wrote a song once that could be applied well to this thread.

Too bad I'm too shy. I'll sing it for u doe Archi C,:

[TheOriginal]

I wish I could give out physical hugs instead of likes

I wrote a song once that could be applied well to this thread.

Too bad I'm too shy. I'll sing it for u doe Archi C,:

A diary can contain lyrics too, please post them after you sing the song to Archi

[Ploegy]

Well this seems like a forum where I should share a little something so I guess here I go.

 

Let me start off with this, I am simply a girl who has to cope with depression issues. I find myself never to be good enough for anyone so I hide away from the world. However, I couldn't avoid what has truly pushed me to the edge of what I can handle. About 8 months ago, a problem arouse in my life that I could not contain. Four friends in a fight and I didn't want to pick at side. I should have just walked away, but I became a middle man without even wanting to. I heard no end to each side complaining about the other and I was continual pulled into their fights even though I begged them to leave me alone. I finally cut it off with one side of the argument, but then they turned on me and pulled me down and ruined me emotionally. They bullied the only friends I had left and when I stood up for them, I was instantly shot down. This caused me to lose the friend I had. She left me alone to deal with these people. Everything finally seemed to settle down until about 2 months ago, I was suppose to go perform with a group for a judge and one of the kids who had bullied my friend was in the group and without consent of the other members came out and told me I wasn't good enough to perform with them and that he was going to replace me. It was all out of hate for me and honestly, I felt betrayed because he told me that my friends had told him to do this. He turned me against the only people I trusted.

 

While all of this was going on with me at school, at home I suffer from my parents disapproval. I am not good enough for them and in all honesty, I don't know what to do to make them see I am trying as hard as I can. To them I am a failure. My mother has said some horrible things to me that make me cry myself to sleep and make me believe suicide is the only answer. Yeah, I have pushed myself close to death, but look at me. I am still here. I have run away countless times only to return to this place to once again cry myself to sleep yet another night. I have always lived in the shadow of my older brother and it's obvious with the way my parents have treated me. Since I was never the sports player like my older brother, I lost myself in studying and being the best student I could be. I had that going for me until I began to struggle and my grades dropped from being emotionally shattered from school. That's when it got worse at home as well. My grades fell and my mom lashed out at me and the less I wanted to do anything. I shut myself out from the world.

 

And everyone wonders why hockey is important to me, well here is your answer. Even though hockey has been in my life since before I could walk, recently it is my life line. When I can't root for myself, I know I have a team I can root for and hold onto. Why has Darren Helm become my favorite player? Well, he has struggled with injuries yet he always fights through them and stays positive. I see him as an inspiration for my own struggles. I want to be able to fight through my depression the way he fights through his injuries.

 

Anyways, I know this is probably all pathetic, but I just wanted to get this out there and to get this off my chest since I don't ever talk about it. Plus I read Archi's story and decided I might as well go for it all.

[TheOriginal]

I know this is probably all pathetic

It isn't

[Ploegy]

It isn't

Thank you. I just know some people find it pathetic