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Summrs

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The Internet?

 

Currently I'm drinking Cozy Chamomile Tea.

 

I sent my dad a text containing a picture of my most recent Facebook status that I thought was pretty funny because it was about my mom. The picture is horizontal and I hope that he realizes this despite the fact that he is 52 and has terrible eyesight... I would add him on Facebook but I think it would be too awkward if he saw what I posted.

 

I'm in college now but I don't know how happy I really am. I'm listening to upbeat songs to give my roommates the idea that I am much happier than I actually am. We are currently listening to Love Song by Sara Bareilles and even though we are all guys, we don't think it's gay or awkward because it's actually a good song. We get drunk on weekends but I still don't like the taste of alcohol and I just try and act like that sober responsible guy because in all honesty I just want to be myself but still I want to fit in. Do you ever wonder who your real friends are? I do, very often.

 

I started playing PokeMMO over a year ago and I quit a while back. I had many ups and downs but overall I guess I could say that it was a good experience. I met a lot of people but I can't keep in touch with them because that's just not how my world works. I could add them on Facebook but then when the inevitable accidental interaction with my real life friends occurs things would be so weird. I feel like my friends online are people that if I saw in real life I wouldn't even bother talking to them because I would judge them almost immediately and not want to hang out with them. Sometimes I just kind of want to get away from the world around me and just go back to the people I know that I have something in common with. My roommate just turned off the light because he's going to sleep...

 

A few days ago was my friend's 18 birthday... We didn't eat any cake because he died 3 years ago of leukemia. We had played baseball together since we were 9. Every February 28 is pretty difficult but they have been getting easier and less emotional. I tried drugs two weeks ago. My roommate gave me an edible and we got high in our apartment. Although it was really cool for a  while I eventually had a panic attack and freaked out. I locked myself in my room while my roommates just chilled in the living room. I fell asleep and had nightmares while I forgot who I was. I kept waking up only to find out that I was still dreaming. This happened about 18 times before I actually woke up. I'm never doing that again.

 

I'm not crazy, at least I don't think so. Unless maybe I am. I can't tell my friends about this because they would probably think I was disturbed and be deeply worried for me. I started playing MMORPGs when I was in 3rd grade. I started with Runescape, progressed to Maplestory, stopped for a bit and then finally found this game. I don't play this anymore, as I stated earlier. I used to think that people I met on the internet weren't real. I used to think that they were robots and were just somehow interacting with me. But a part of me always knew that they were real. Isn't it crazy how you can say something to someone without actually saying it? Sometimes I wonder if people also think this but don't say anything because it's the real world. People on the internet could but they usually don't unless they are going to kill themselves. It's their last desperate call for help.

 

I'm okay though. 

 

There is this girl in my freshman seminar that is extremely attractive. I had been sitting next to her for a few weeks but I changed my mind and decided to pursue a different girl who is slightly less attractive but really cute. I think my chances with her are significantly higher and she is likely much less of a bitch. The cake is a lie. 

 

It's only March so it is definitely not Summr. If this is in the wrong section then please help me.

 

I finished my tea. 

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Currently I'm drinking Cozy Chamomile Tea.

 

I sent my dad a text containing a picture of my most recent Facebook status that I thought was pretty funny because it was about my mom. The picture is horizontal and I hope that he realizes this despite the fact that he is 52 and has terrible eyesight... I would add him on Facebook but I think it would be too awkward if he saw what I posted.

 

I'm in college now but I don't know how happy I really am. I'm listening to upbeat songs to give my roommates the idea that I am much happier than I actually am. We are currently listening to Love Song by Sara Bareilles and even though we are all guys, we don't think it's gay or awkward because it's actually a good song. We get drunk on weekends but I still don't like the taste of alcohol and I just try and act like that sober responsible guy because in all honesty I just want to be myself but still I want to fit in. Do you ever wonder who your real friends are? I do, very often.

 

I started playing PokeMMO over a year ago and I quit a while back. I had many ups and downs but overall I guess I could say that it was a good experience. I met a lot of people but I can't keep in touch with them because that's just not how my world works. I could add them on Facebook but then when the inevitable accidental interaction with my real life friends occurs things would be so weird. I feel like my friends online are people that if I saw in real life I wouldn't even bother talking to them because I would judge them almost immediately and not want to hang out with them. Sometimes I just kind of want to get away from the world around me and just go back to the people I know that I have something in common with. My roommate just turned off the light because he's going to sleep...

 

A few days ago was my friend's 18 birthday... We didn't eat any cake because he died 3 years ago of leukemia. We had played baseball together since we were 9. Every February 28 is pretty difficult but they have been getting easier and less emotional. I tried drugs two weeks ago. My roommate gave me an edible and we got high in our apartment. Although it was really cool for a  while I eventually had a panic attack and freaked out. I locked myself in my room while my roommates just chilled in the living room. I fell asleep and had nightmares while I forgot who I was. I kept waking up only to find out that I was still dreaming. This happened about 18 times before I actually woke up. I'm never doing that again.

 

I'm not crazy, at least I don't think so. Unless maybe I am. I can't tell my friends about this because they would probably think I was disturbed and be deeply worried for me. I started playing MMORPGs when I was in 3rd grade. I started with Runescape, progressed to Maplestory, stopped for a bit and then finally found this game. I don't play this anymore, as I stated earlier. I used to think that people I met on the internet weren't real. I used to think that they were robots and were just somehow interacting with me. But a part of me always knew that they were real. Isn't it crazy how you can say something to someone without actually saying it? Sometimes I wonder if people also think this but don't say anything because it's the real world. People on the internet could but they usually don't unless they are going to kill themselves. It's their last desperate call for help.

 

I'm okay though. 

 

There is this girl in my freshman seminar that is extremely attractive. I had been sitting next to her for a few weeks but I changed my mind and decided to pursue a different girl who is slightly less attractive but really cute. I think my chances with her are significantly higher and she is likely much less of a bitch. The cake is a lie. 

 

It's only March so it is definitely not Summr. If this is in the wrong section then please help me.

 

I finished my tea. 

 

tumblr_mt37c0LcUS1r8jl1xo1_500.gif

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she-had-blue-skin-and-so-did-he-shel-sil
The above above image was sent to me by the most important person in my life. You may find it interesting.

I can probably understand how you feel. My advice is dont judge others (you may become less harsh on yourself coincidently too), and think about what's important right now (your education), the rest will follow. A friend online is worth as much as a friend "in person", we're all people at the end of the day.

I can't be a hypocrit and tell you not to hide your online interests, or who you really are but I can say you may find someone you relate to 100% someday and I'll advise you to cherish that. At the end of the day I think everybody only really needs one person. Even the most social of us.

Also, tea is good. Keep up the tea habit. Haha.
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Right now I'm eating cake and it's delicious, it's good to know it's not a lie.

 

Vulnerability, it's something we don't like. It's something some people don't like more than some others. Being different is being vulnerable, I have and am struggling with this concept for quite a while now. It's funny because, recently there has been some light shed on my personal self. Things I didn't consider about myself or wouldn't like to admit to myself. I'm a 20 year old boy and live in the Netherlands, I am a Turk so I'm a minority. I have terrible eyesight and glasses unfortunately don't help me. I also -on top of that- have this thing called a 'nystagmus' , fun eh? Sometimes it's more visible than other times, especially when I'm tired or the lighting isn't good.

 

I have a past that  has been full of emotional events. Sickness, death and also my struggle to prove myself were a part of this past. I'm someone who doesn't like asking for the help of others. So I tried to keep everything to myself, I believed I was a strong person. I believed that as long as I could keep putting on these new masks I could make myself look different then I really am. Why didn't, or rather, don't I like asking for help or talking about myself? Funny enough, I never really asked myself this question till recently. For me it's because I don't like to be vulnerable. But it doesn't stop there, we have to ask further. Why don't I like to be vulnerable? Because, it makes me look different and that.. makes me look less compared to others (is what I thought/think).

 

But why is it so bad to be different, you'll have to ask yourself. In fact, isn't it bad that you are pretending to be someone you are not? In fact, isn't lying to yourself not the worst thing you can do to yourself? Every person will break eventually. There will be a time that your 'stress bucket' won't be able to contain any more. What I would do is just build some reinforcements, but after a while the bricks too build the bucket will be no more as well. There will be a time, that you've put on so many masks, that there isn't one big enough anymore to fit on top of all those other masks. In short; there will be a time that you'll have to face yourself.

 

We have to let go of this concept. What do people think about me? Sure, to some degree you'll have to think about social morals. I don't mean to say we should walk around naked doing our groceries because we shouldn't care about what others think. But when it comes to a personal level, the 'you' we have to let go of this 'pressure' or we'll never be able to grow. It's something I'm dealing with right now, it's easy said but not done. I'm not saying this as if it's something you'll do one-two-three.

 

You don't like the taste of alcohol, well why do you drink it? Why can't you tell your friends you don't like how it tastes. Are you afraid they will judge you, that they will think about you differently? I know I would be afraid of that. Why are you listening to songs that don't reflect you actual mood, are you afraid to be judged? The most important thing we have to do here, is stop lying to ourselves and finally become honest. And that is a hard task. If you aren't yourself, you will lose yourself eventually and this will make you unhappy.

 

For me this problem is pretty severe, I kept myself locked for to long and for to much. Maybe, it isn't this bad for you, I certainly hope not. But you'll need to take steps if you want to be more happy and grow on a personal level. Stop. Pretending. Don't be someone you don't want to be, let go of this judgmental pressure. You have friends, they should be there for you. You should be able to talk to them. You are not different than anyone else, WE ARE ALL freaking weird in our own way.

I guess this is where your internet story takes part. Because for a lot of us the internet is this place of freedom, where nobody that knows our identity can judge us. We can we who we want to be, whenever we want to be, or whenever we don't. I always told myself never to get attached to anyone over the internet, but sometimes it just happens. After all it's a place where I can be myself. Luckily, I have two or three friends. My closest buds, and I can be myself with them. It's one of the best feelings to know that you aren't judged. They knew who I was before I even knew myself.

 

There was also one girl, I liked or maybe even loved. She was special to me in the way that I was always myself around her as well. At times it would be totally awkward, but hey. It's fine because you know? I wasn't being judged. Sadly it didn't really work out in the end because of things that happened for her and me, I won't get into it. Maybe it's impossible to find someone like that again, but it's better to be optimistic :p You should definitely talk to that girl, who knows maybe you'll find what you were looking for, for some time now. Yourself.

 

I'm done with this cake, I'm getting phucking phat.

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Right now I'm drinking my protein shake and eating 8 boiled eggs.

 

In a while I'll leave for work, where I'll probably do a minimum amount of actual work, play Pokemon Y and be on teamspeak while still making a salary a lot of people my age in South America can only dream of. My dad is my best friend, srs.

 

After that I'll probably go out with my girlfriend or more likely to the gym. All kinds of gains.  My girlfriend is beautiful and, at least in my opinion, is crazy about me. I don't know how I feel about her yet. Is that a bad thing? (lel no)

 

I had 4 turtles from the time I was 10 till I was 14, one morning I woke and all of them were dead. In a circle facing each other just dead. It was sad and weird. I crei. 

 

Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler 

 

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Srs talk to that girl. If you need advice just ask Amanu, I gave him the perfect advice to help get girls. 

 

 

I fucking love eggs.

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I'm pretty sure only females read walls of text.

Now, Walrus, that's slightly sexist and makes no sense. Why would having a vagina, boobs, some genetic differences, etc make one gender more willing to read a wall of text? 

 

maybe.... JUST MAYBE some people who enjoy reading and writing in general enjoy walls of text? Just a hunch. 

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Now, Walrus, that's slightly sexist and makes no sense. Why would having a vagina, boobs, some genetic differences, etc make one gender more willing to read a wall of text? 

 

maybe.... JUST MAYBE some people who enjoy reading and writing in general enjoy walls of text? Just a hunch. 

you just responded to "huehue reading is for girls huehue" in a much too serious manner, pls stop

 

i'll make a bit more serious of a post later maybe.

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I'm drinking a iced coffee from McDonald's

 

Reading questionable articles like http://www.huffingtonpost.com/matt-nestor/the-sex-we-didnt-have_b_3457437.html for my business class. Just learned apparently my generation is called the "Hook-up" generation from my business professor. Questioning my business class. 

 

This is my "serious" reply since I'm legitimately not sure if this is serious or you're just ducking around. I would help you with your feels but I learned telling people to stop being sad APPARENTLY doesn't work. Life is too short to give ducks. I think people like people who don't give ducks more than people who do. I mean it's your life though. It just seems more stressful always caring what other people think. Sounds like you are also judgmental on people too though if you wouldn't talk to people online in real life just because of how they looked. I don't give ducks and still have awesome friends.

 

If you like a chick then go for it. The worst she can do is say no...and then it's like whatever because honestly there are a million other chicks in the world.

 

I have replaced f word with ducks. Not sure if that makes it pg-13 but it certainly makes it funnier imo

 

I'd write more but I got to go to business class. 

auf Wiedersehen

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Right now I'm drinking my protein shake and eating 8 boiled eggs.

 

In a while I'll leave for work, where I'll probably do a minimum amount of actual work, play Pokemon Y and be on teamspeak while still making a salary a lot of people my age in South America can only dream of. My dad is my best friend, srs.

 

After that I'll probably go out with my girlfriend or more likely to the gym. All kinds of gains.  My girlfriend is beautiful and, at least in my opinion, is crazy about me. I don't know how I feel about her yet. Is that a bad thing? (lel no)

 

I had 4 turtles from the time I was 10 till I was 14, one morning I woke and all of them were dead. In a circle facing each other just dead. It was sad and weird. I crei. 

 

Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler 

 

Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler Filler 

 

Srs talk to that girl. If you need advice just ask Amanu, I gave him the perfect advice to help get girls. 

 

 

I fucking love eggs.

So deep

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