So i’ve come to the conclusion that maybe i really am a robot in the wrong shell or a cluster of space or void, i don’t really feel my emotions in the way i should and i kind of gave up trying.
And i think i might be on a different plane of existence? Or maybe i’m not really here, or i’m just void and space. But i get stressed when people don’t respond or i get ignored because maybe that means i really am just not there, and i don’t know how to feel about that. I'm okay with being alone, so i'm not even sure why i'm having these thoughts.
Why do I always feel like I am not part of this world? I watch my body from above with everything and everyone else around me and I think “Oh, I am actually here right now, experiencing this moment." Whether i am at home, work, out, or whatever. I can't even remember how long i been feeling like this, and I can't remember why i can't remember. I am always in a dreamlike state. Last week my cousin, a couple of her friend's and I went to this restaurant...the whole time, i felt like i was dreaming. I always blame it on being tired, or stoned, or coming down on caffeine. But I think there is more to it then that, I can't help but feel like none of this is actually happening, and it's becoming increasingly difficult to accept that there actually are potential consequences for the actions i make because i'm so confident none of this is real. It is like watching a movie... I don’t belong with my actual body, this world, or even this plane? It's like i'm waiting to move on from this physical dimension, so i could resume my celestial form, and be done with this god forsaken world.
Does anybody know what this is? Because it's been really grinding my gears all day today.~